I registered with the Farm Service Agency last week. We talked on the phone couple of times before I set up an appointment, and showed up at their office to sign some papers. When I arrived, they had pulled information about our property and had drawn up the necessary paperwork. It was all under my husband's name. They asked me to sign his name, and then write "by" and then sign my name.

At no point previous to this had I even mentioned my husband.

The next day, I asked a Farm Service Agency representative why this happened and whether there were any implications to it. He said it was not a big deal, and they probably went by the name that was on the deed of the farm. We bought the place jointly though. My name was on the deed. I asked another young female farmer about this, and she said the same thing happened to her, so she went down to the Farm Service Agency and asked them to change the papers. Now her farm receives three copies of everything the agency mails out: one for her, one for her husband, and an extra one just for the sake of thoroughness. I should probably do the same thing. I want my name on those papers. A couple generations ago, I might not have been able to accomplish such a thing.

Having people assume that I would not be in charge of farming also makes it harder for me to imagine that I could be. For the first 30 years of my life, I did not fully consider that I could be a farmer and a woman at the same time. I assumed that I could be a farmer's wife, (which was confirmed by the paperwork I signed last week). Women are taking a very active role in the sustainable farming movement, and I am gathering more and more role models, but when I went to the ACRES sustainable farming conference last fall, I think there was about one woman for every 10 men.

This would all be much easier to take in stride if I had more confidence in my ability to farm. I don't have that yet. I am woefully inexperienced, I have some health issues, and I have spent most of my life believing that I could not farm.

People say it was brave to buy the farm and move here. That was a scary time, but at least it was resolved when we made the move. It is taking more courage for me to be making small steps towards farming without always believing that I can do the job.